So far, I really haven’t gotten anywhere. I’m still eating whatever I want and eating when I’m not hungry. I’m still smoking despite having chest pains. I feel so stuffed full of food I can hardly breathe and I feel like I’m slowly dying. Maybe that’s what I want.

I know it’s really not, but with everything else in my life so dull at the moment, it’s hard not to think that it would be easier if it just all ended. Not that I would consider taking my own life, but just if it happened. Or if I’m slowly killing myself with cancer.

I have some books on hold at the library about binge eating. Hopefully when I start reading those it will help. I know one thing is for sure, I need to stop smoking everything.